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Learn 5 survival tips every new dad must know
by Teresa Caldwell Board
If your partner is about to have a baby, the focus is on her. As the dad, chances are you're not getting too many baby showers or ultrasounds.
But don't let that fool you: You have an important job to do, and the work starts now. Kids raised with an involved father tend to have greater self-control and ability to take initiative. Also, becoming parents together can either strengthen or stress a couple's relationship, and your active involvement can make a positive difference.
1. Get involved early. “Recent research has found that the time surrounding birth is a ‘magical moment’ of opportunity,” says Greg Bishop, founder and head coach of Boot Camp for New Dads. “That's when new fathers are most receptive to guidance and support, and interest in their baby is most intense.”
Learn all you can now so you can dive into fatherhood with confidence.
Action steps: Go to as many prenatal appointments as possible. Attend childbirth classes with your partner. If you can, take some time off work after the baby is born.
2. Don't think about sex (for now).
“The change in a couple's sex life is often more protracted than a father might imagine,” says Robert Needlman, M.D., vice president for developmental and behavioral pediatrics for The Dr. Spock Company. “It's normal to have less, or different, sex for months, not weeks.”
Action steps: Stay flexible. Focus on the intimacy of parenting together. Take care of your wife so she has the energy to enjoy her relationship with you.
3. Baby your partner.
Remember, if your mate is breastfeeding, she'll be nursing the baby eight to 12 times a day at first. Just feeding the baby is the equivalent of a part-time job.
Because of hormone and lifestyle changes after the baby is born, a new mom can become anywhere from mildly blue to clinically depressed. If you notice that your mate seems sad, encourage her to talk about it, Bishop says. Reassure her, get her out of the house and don't just assume it will pass. Get her to a doctor if it's severe or persistent.
Action steps: Help your wife drink plenty of water and get as much sleep as possible. Listen to her feelings. Tell her, “You're doing a great job.”
4. Change the first diaper.
“This sets the tone that you are here to play,” Bishop says. In addition to diving into diaper duty, don't automatically hand off the baby when he or she starts crying. Pretend you know what you're doing, and pretty soon you'll realize you actually do.
(A note of caution for dads and moms: Crying can get frustrating, so if you're upset, put the baby in the crib and calm down. Never shake a baby, because it can cause serious brain injury.)
Action steps: Ask lots of questions at the hospital. Believe that you're going to be a great dad.
5. Get ready to fall in love.
For most dads, it's hard to fully understand ahead of time the impact and joy a new baby will bring. “It's a little like someone telling us when we were 10 how we would feel about girls,” Bishop says.
Afterward, “men are often surprised at the tenderness of the emotions that having a baby evokes in them,” Needlman says. You also shouldn't worry if you don't have an instant emotional reaction. “It's normal for some fathers and mothers to take a while to fall in love with a new baby.”
Whether it takes moments or months, you'll click eventually if you stay involved. New dad Stephen Allaby says, “It was the middle of the night, and I was so tired I thought I was going to throw up. But I looked at this little guy looking back at me and thought, ‘This is so cool.’